Tag Archive | storyteller

This Year’s Lesson: KINDNESS

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What do an Italian psychotherapist, a Christian college president in California, and a hitchhiker across America have in common? They each wrote a book about kindness. And I read them all this year.

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As you may recall, “kindness” is my special word for 2016. Upon the suggestion of Debbie Macomber in her book, One Perfect Word, I’ve chosen one special word to have as my focus for a whole year instead of making up New Year’s resolutions each year. I’ve done this for three years now.

By the middle of this year, I’d kind of forgotten about my special word for 2016. When I realized that, I decided to take my special word commitment a little more seriously, and I went to Amazon.com and searched for books on “kindness.” I downloaded Kindle versions of two books: The Power of Kindness: The Unexpected Benefits of Leading a Compassionate Life by Piero Ferrucci (the Italian psychotherapist) and Love Kindness: Discover the Power of a Forgotten Christian Virtue by Barry H. Corey (the president of Biola University). The next day I received my usual daily email from BookBub, a service that offers about half a dozen Kindle books each day for prices ranging from FREE to $1.99. That day’s offering included The Kindness of Strangers: Penniless across America by Mike McIntyre (the journalist who hitchhiked from the west coast to the east coast without a penny in his pocket in order to see if he would experience any kindness from strangers throughout this country).

All three books are filled with personal stories about people who have received or demonstrated kindness in a wide variety of circumstances. All three books are fascinating to read and I highly recommend them.

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I read The Power of Kindness first because of the Preface written by the Dalai Lama. I could hardly wait to start reading it. Here’s an excerpt from the Preface:

This is a book after my own heart. Piero Ferrucci has drawn on both his broad experience as a psychotherapist and what I think of as fundamental human values to write on the importance of kindness. What I particularly appreciate about his presentation is that he makes kindness the starting point, the fount from which flow so many other positive qualities, such as honesty, forgiveness, patience, and generosity. It is a compelling and encouraging approach.

I believe that if we stop to think, it is clear that our very survival, even today, depends upon the acts and kindness of so many people. Right from the moment of our birth, we are under the care and kindness of our parents; later in life, when facing the sufferings of disease and old age, we are again dependent on the kindness of others. If at the beginning and end of our lives we depend upon others’ kindness, why then in the middle, when we have the opportunity, should we not act kindly toward others?

Kindness and compassion are among the principal things that make our lives meaningful. They are the source of lasting happiness and joy…

Each chapter of this book is about a particular virtue, such as Honesty, Forgiveness, Humility, Flexibility, and so on. And each chapter is filled with stories about real people who demonstrate these virtues, with kindness always being at the core. For example, the chapter on Warmth includes this little story:

A woman I know, let’s call her Dorothea, tells me another story. Every evening she hears her neighbors’ baby girl crying in the apartment next to hers. The parents put the child to sleep alone in the dark. The baby cries for a long time while the parents watch television. The baby’s desperate crying expresses all her anguish, her solitude. What should Dorothea do? She is uncertain. Speaking to the parents might make things worse. She decides to sing. Just as she can hear the baby, the baby can hear her. Every evening when they put the baby to bed, Dorothea sings her sweet lullabies, talks to her through the thin walls, consoles and comforts her. The baby hears the invisible friendly voice, stops crying, and falls peacefully asleep. The warmth of a stranger’s voice has saved her from the icy cold of loneliness.

In the concluding chapter of the book, Ferrucci recalls another story:

In a story by Tolstoy, a poor shoemaker hears the voice of Christ in a dream: “Today I will come to you.” Then he wakes up and goes to work. During the day, he meets a young woman who is hungry and he gives her food. An old man passes by feeling cold, and he lets him in to warm himself. Later, he takes care of a child who is having problems with his mother. They are all spontaneous acts for which he need give no thought. At the end of the day, before going to sleep, the shoemaker remembers his dream and thinks that it has not come true, since he did not meet Christ. He then hears a voice. It is the voice of Christ, “My dear friend, did you not recognize me? I was that woman, I was that old man, I was the child and his mother…. You met me, and you helped me. I was with you the whole day.”

When you read this book, and when you stop to think about it, kindness really is at the core of just about everything good in this life. We encounter multiple opportunities every day to respond with kindness, just as we are often the recipients of the kindness of others.

510aS5svVvLThe second kindness book I read was Love Kindness: Discover the Power of a Forgotten Christian Virtue by Barry H. Corey. Why would I want to read a book written by an Evangelical who clearly and outspokenly believes that I am living a life of sin because I am a woman and I married a woman? Partly I wanted to read the book because I wanted to see what a staunch Evangelical would say about how to be kind to people you fundamentally disagree with on important issues. In what ways can I expect him to show kindness to me, and how should I be kind to him? And partly I wanted to read the book because the reviews said he was a good storyteller.

I wasn’t disappointed. The book is full of personal stories that illustrate how he learned to be kind in different circumstances. And what he learned not to do. Two key concepts he emphasized were to be “receivable” – to be welcoming of people with whom we have disagreements, and to have a “firm center with soft edges” – to be firm in our core beliefs as Christians, but to be softer, more flexible in less significant areas, which is often where our strongest disagreements foster hostility rather than loving kindness. One of the reviewers described the book this way:

Barry Corey is a kind man. He learned to be kind from his remarkable father. So Corey is well qualified – academically and spiritually – to write this book, a book that embodies the interesting approach of teaching different aspects of kindness through stories in his own life. For Corey, kindness is not niceness, adopting a position of compromise, or an expression of a desire to be received. Rather, it is learning to be receivable, and it is learning to dialog with those with whom we disagree with kindness in the way of Jesus. The number of issues that divide us is multiplying each day. As a result, there never has been a time other than now when Love Kindness is so desperately needed. Get this book, read it, discuss it with your friends and those whom you oppose. You’ll be glad you did. [J. P. Moreland – Distinguished Professor of Philosophy at Biola University and author of The Soul: How We Know It’s Real and Why It Matters]

51vvcam7qfl-_sx326_bo1204203200_I saved the best book for last, and I just finished reading it a few days ago. Mike McIntyre is a newspaper columnist currently living in San Diego, although he has lived and worked as a journalist all around the world. Here’s the blurb about the book from Amazon.com:

Stuck in a job he no longer found fulfilling, journalist Mike McIntyre felt his life was quickly passing him by. So one day he hit the road to trek from one end of the country to the other with little more than the clothes on his back and without a single penny in his pocket. Through his travels, he found varying degrees of kindness in strangers from all walks of life – and discovered more about people and values and life on the road in America than he’d ever thought possible. The gifts of food and shelter he received along the way were outweighed only the the touching gifts of the heart – the willingness of many he met to welcome a lonely stranger into their homes … and the discovery that sometimes those who give the most are the ones with the least to spare.

This book has 40 short chapters, each one is the story of an encounter with a stranger who showed him kindness in some way as he hitchhiked penniless across America. A few of the stories were frightening, a few were sad, and many of them were remarkably inspiring. The stories gave fascinating glimpses into the lives of the Americans he met on his journey. In six weeks, Mike traveled 4,223 miles, crossed 14 states, accepted 82 rides, was given 78 meals and was invited to do the laundry in his backpack 5 times in the homes of drivers who offered him a bed for the night. On this journey, he found kindness expressed in ways he had never anticipated.

These three books on “kindness” provided three very different perspectives on the idea of “kindness.” I’m glad I read all three books, and I’m glad I chose “kindness” for my special word for 2016. My mom was onto something back in the 1950s when she made my 9-year-old brother Danny and 7-year-old me memorize the Bible verse Ephesians 4:32 –

kindness-1Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 

Back then I thought her reason was to help Danny and me realize we needed to be nice to each other when we were home alone and she was away at work. Now I know she had more in mind. I think she knew, just like these three authors know, that kindness is the core virtue that can enrich everyone’s life.

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Stories and Feathers

IIMG_0777 was sitting at my desk thinking about what to write about for my next blog post, and my dog Floey trotted up to me and sat down. “Hey, Mom, can I talk with you about something that’s been on my mind a lot lately – ever since my last grooming?”

“Sure, Floey. What’s on your mind?” I looked at her and smiled. “You really are a pretty dog, Floey. Even though you’re mostly white, you somehow manage to stay clean, despite the snow and slush all around. Even your new turquoise neck scarf from the groomer still looks clean. And the beautiful pink and turquoise feathers the groomer put behind your ear are still in place.”

Floey grinned at me and looked right in my eyes. “Actually, that’s partly what I want to talk with you about, Mom – the feathers. Remember, when you adopted me you learned that I was born on an Indian reservation in northern Minnesota.”

“That’s right, Floey. I remember. Animal Rescue and Veterinary Support Services (ARVSS) rescued you and all your brothers and sisters when you were six months old and brought all of you down to southern Wisconsin to find new homes.”

Dakota-Sioux-American-Indian-Pictures3“Yup. I’m really thankful that ARVSS rescued us and that you and Mim adopted me. I know that I’ve become part of just the right family, the one the Great Spirit had in mind for me when I was born. But back to my story… Two weeks ago, when Denise, the groomer at Bark of the Town, put these two feathers behind my ear, I started thinking about my Indian heritage. You know, Mom, getting my first two feathers is a really big deal.”

“Wow, I didn’t know that, Floey.”

“I know you didn’t. You said the feathers looked cute on me, so I know you like them, but I also know you don’t know the significance of them. You don’t know the Indian stories behind getting feathers, and that’s what I want to talk to you about.”

“That’s wonderful, Floey. I’d love to hear your stories.”

“The most important thing to know is that a feather is a symbol of bravery and courage. A young Indian is given their first feather when they have done some courageous act that qualifies them to be considered an adult. They get another feather each time they do something outstanding. I guess I earned my first feather for being brave around the hair dryer, and my second feather for keeping up my courage and good nature while my nails were trimmed. I was so proud when I walked out of the groomers wearing these two feathers. I feel like my bravery was recognized and I’ve been honored appropriately. I feel proud, and good about myself. I feel like I’m proudly wearing my first symbols of adulthood.”

IMG_0774“I’m glad you told me all about this, Floey. I never would have guessed the significance of these beautiful feathers that you are wearing so proudly. I was actually a little surprised that you hadn’t rubbed them off over the last couple weeks.”

“Oh, I’d never do that, Mom. I’m so happy to wear these feathers, and to think about the stories of my heritage. It’s important for me to tell you these stories so that we all understand each other better and so that our stories will never be forgotten.”

“Oh, I agree with you, Floey. Being a storyteller is one of the most important things we can be. One day last week I ran into a friend of mine who was having a bad day. She was discouraged in her job of caring for someone with Alzheimers disease. She felt emotionally exhausted and totally unappreciated for her efforts in trying to care for this woman. You know what brightened her mood and lightened her day?”

51eT93GoU3L._SX355_BO1,204,203,200_“What, Mom?”

“I was able to tell her about a book that was written by a storyteller who knows all about caring for people with Alzheimers. The book is Creating Moments of Joy by Jolene Brackey. The stories in this book are sure to give my friend greater understanding of the disease and new ideas to help her care for her client.”

“That’s great, Mom. I think you might deserve a feather for helping your friend by telling her about this book of stories. You weren’t exactly demonstrating bravery – kindness, maybe – and I think that counts for earning feathers, too.”

“Thanks, Floey. I guess one of the most important things you and I are teaching each other is the value of sharing our stories. Let’s make a pact – we’ll always tell our own stories and listen to each other’s stories.”

“Good idea, Mom. I’m sure that’s what the Great Spirit has in mind for us.”

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